If I Can't Have Her Then Nobody Can!

That's the subconscious attitude I've had for better than a year now. I didn't want to experience how she made me feel any longer and I didn't want share her beauty with anyone. I worked very hard to ignore her. I wanted to close the door on an entire chapter in my life - I wanted a new beginning.

So after I left her, I did the right thing and got a new job that actually paid the bills. Life at home became less tense and a bit more regular (no pun intended). I was actually able to be a bit more present - it kind of felt good and at very least I felt relief. I sold off most of her belongings, but kept a few things that reminded me of the truly enjoyable times I had with her. I packed them away and didn't touch them and only thought about her/them when I had to move them out of the way to get something else.

During the time I was making the decision to leave, I met a friend who had met her some time before. He asked if he could spend time with her - with me - at the same time. I agreed and as we scheduled this time out I thought, "If I do decide to leave, maybe seeing her once in a while will make the transition less painful."

Though a bit awkward at first, I grew to really enjoy our meetings. I have to admit that it was nice to be able to unlock my feelings and it felt good to touch her; so much so that even the anticipation got me excited. I actually started to feel a bit guilty about the meetings because at home, I consciously ignored my feelings towards her. These meetings went on for a while and then continued when I finally left her. During our times together - the three of us - time would stand still as we became lost in her beauty. My friend would often say to me, "Joe, you have so much passion, how could you leave this?" I never really had a good answer.

Time went on and things where going quite well, but for some reason or another those wonderful encounters just seemed to fade away. I know my friend was bummed, but continued on without me and to tell you the truth I was a bit jealous. Though as soon as those feelings surfaced, I worked harder to squash them away...embarrassingly a behaviour that I'm quite good at.

To fill the void, I became increasingly interested in new business ideas - or just revisiting old ones - and they began to occupy my thoughts. "Cool, a new outlet" I thought, "I'll be able to choose one of my ideas and carry it out."

So I started planning out my ideas and discussing them with others. I began sharing on Facebook and Twitter. I even created this blog with the thought it will keep me motivated and accountable - a thought I still believe true. But what I was finding as I got settled with one idea, another would appear. And then another and then another...

What do I do with all of these ideas? They just don't seem to stop. Yes, I can do a whole bunch of work without spending any money, but if I can't see anything come to fruition - the end result I picture in my mind - then it's no real outlet at all!

I recently had a discussion with a dear friend from a very long time ago and she said something to me that I really had to think about. She said:

"...sometimes when we live in our thoughts without an awareness of what we are actually thinking in the background, it can actually hold us back or keep us stagnant...Sometimes our wants are Don't Wants in Disguise..."

So I pondered this and all of a sudden my emotions came flying out of me and at that moment I knew that I needed her back. I had to start working wood again!

The second I made that decision, the wood project ideas started to flow non-stop! I quickly got what tools I had left in my dormant and dusty basements shop ready to go. I inventoried and organized my supplies and started in. As soon I my hands began working with her again, everything seemed to align and make sense. I could now see an idea, an end result and confident in my abilities, take that idea and create it. I now felt settled...I felt at home.

Now I know some of you have been reading and following along my journey thus far and may be saying, "what's he doing now?" Good question. I never said when I started "An Adventure: Entrepreneur Stuck In a Regular Guy's Life" that I had a specific plan in mind or that this was a how to on building a business, but I just asked that you come along for the ride.

Now I will continue to pursue some of my business objectives and ultimately see one through, but now they will include wood and it will all be documented here.

I want to share with the world just how truly beautiful wood is!

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Some of my past work: www.unniwoodworks.com